Feeling a void.

I am void of something. Maybe someone. Who knows? God. Obviously. But He's yet to feel me in. Maybe he has. Maybe I don't get it. Maybe I'm too stubborn to listen, or too jumbled. I don't know.

I had a great day today with my little brother Austin. We ate at Genghis Grill and then went to the Harbor then to some random clothing places.

The Rangers and the Cowboys lost. Bad sports day.

I'm sitting up at Stbux waiting for Micah to get here and just chill.

I need to do something with my life. That much is CERTAIN. I feel absolutely lost. Insecure. Inept. Unable to make that next step. I don't know where to go from here.

I just feel as if there are eyes watching me, waiting for me to do something. Something with my degree. And I should. But how? Where? When? I "know" that I "can't" leave Greenville right now. I feel like I have a role here. A purpose. A calling at the moment. My church, my little brothers, and the other families I have contact with. I love them to the very core of me.

I was reminded two weeks ago, by a great friend that there will NEVER be a "perfect" time to leave. And it COULD be that I'm scared. Scratch that....I AM terrified. I don't know what to do. At all.

My fear is fueled by insecurity. Period. Bottom line. I don't feel up to it. It's something that I've battled my entire life. And it's something that I need to give to God. I really do. And I feel like I have in some way. But I still feel like sometimes it controls me. It wrecks me. I can't run fast enough from it. It's ridiculous. I HATE it.

Ok, so I'm done for the night.

Prayers welcomed.

Mascot saved by grace.